"As An Artist, I Take Great Pride In My Objectivism, But..."

SantaCrazed...

As an artist, I have suffered the scorn of many a relative and friends for standing on the high ground of objectivism, or as some would pundit, sitting on top of the fence. It is not like I have no opinion on the state of our world, globally or locally. But, why should I show the negatives of my upbringing and entertain all the prejudices I have temporarily to have an opinion that is sure to show what a rotten person I really can be.

I mean, what's in it for me, to do so... ya know?

I believe it is part of the job, as a card carrying artist, to be the sense of reason in a world that begs for over the top, dangerously emotional solutions. I mean, I love those political cartoonists and the incredible visual statements they make every day in every paper known in the free, and not so free, world.  I just don't have the "chops" to be so bold and to think that my world "vision"and comments are worth the cost of a newspaper.  I must say, I am a bit jealous of those that profit so well from exposing their prejudices, no matter how well thought out they may be while I sit alone in my own emotionally objective cubicle!

Having said all that, there is one thing that at this time of year just makes me so embarrassing subjective. Unfortunately, there is always, as an open minded artist, a danger of making a subjective judgement that may be based on opinion, here say, personal tastes, or feelings. I so try to battle with my psyche on this concern.

But, this is my true gut reaction... I can, no longer, contain myself. 

If lawyers wanting to become successful politicians by passing such insipid laws, here's one I would definitely agree with and vote for. Pass a law that prohibits anyone from performing or recording their sad version of "The Christmas Song!" ( affectionately known as Chestnuts Roasting! )

It totally belongs to the real "King Cole and no one else."Forget versions by

• Aaliyah
• Acoustix ( Stix it somewhere else! )
• Trace Adkins ( Trace something else! )
• Christina Aguilera Clay Aiken
• Herb Alpert ( A Tijuana version? )
• Thomas Anders  (Who? )
• Julie Andrews ( I love her, but this version sounds English... I don't know why! )
• Aska ( Aska to stop singing this song! )
• Nora Aunor
• Babyface ( Chestnuts in diapers! )
• Francesca Battistelli

• Tony Bennett ( Close, but too Golden Gate! )
• Polly Bergen ( I thought she just did game shows! )
• Justin Bieber and Usher (Puh-lezze! )
• Big Bird and The Swedish Chef (Maybe... I love the Swedish Chef.)
• Andrea Bocelli and Natalie Cole (Can someone say, "coattails!" )
• Michael Bolton (Mellow enough, but everything is mellow... and not much else! )
• Toni Braxton ( Hmmmm... no! )
• Garth Brooks ( I don't think I can handle his version swinging from vines like George of the Jungle! )
• James Brown ( Lord, have mercy! )
• Les Brown and his Orchestra (with Doris Day on lead vocal..."Que Sera, sera!")
• Kenny Burrell ( I'm partial to jazz guitar as long as there isn't any five minute drumming, but no! )
• Glen Campbell ( He does a great version of Roger Miller's, "Little Toy Trains", but not much else on his album! )
• Royce Campbell
• The Canadian Brass (from their 1985 Christmas album A Canadian Brass Christmas)
• The Carpenters ( nice, but not bluesy enough.)
• Cascada (from their 2012 Christmas album It's Christmas Time)
• Celtic Woman ( a rousing "river dance" version? )
• Charice ( Isn't that a seasoning? Oh, no... I thinking chorizo! )
• Chicago ( Maybe, if Terry Kath hadn't blown his top! )

• The Lettermen (a,b,c,d,fe,f,g...uh, no! )
• Seth MacFarlane (from his 2014 Christmas album Holiday for Swing)
• The Manhattan Transfer (with Tony Bennett)( No, with or without a duet! )
• Barry Manilow ( too much Mandy! )
• Aimee Mann (from her 2006 album One More Drifter in the Snow)
• Deana Martin ( Try another martini with those chestnuts! )
• Richard Marx  (The fifth cousin to Harpo? )
• Johnny Mathis ( too much vibrato )
• Johnny Mathis and Billy Joel as a duet ( too much vibrato and pianissimo! )
• Martina McBride
• Paul McCartney ( Oh Paulie! )
• Reba McEntire ( too twangy! )
• Brian McKnight
• Idina Menzel
• The Miracles ( love their Christmas with The Miracles, but just a bit too white! )
• Tony Mottola
• *NSYNC ( outta sync )
• Ricky Nelson ( well, it is kinda "dreamy, like Nat's, but not Nat's. )
• Aaron Neville ( too much warbling! )
• New Kids on the Block ( ah-capella? )
• Des O'Connor (from a Tesco Christmas advert)
• Olivia Olson (from a Phineas and Ferb: Holiday Favourites... uh! )
• Alexander O'Neal  ( Alexander Oatmeal.. )
• The Partridge Family ( How cute... some Patridges in a pear tree! )
• Les Paul ( I've heard this one and, um... Love ya, Les, but with this one, Les(s) is too much! )
• LeAnn Rimes ( No, she doesn't )
• Kenny Rogers ("Fold'em," please! )
• Linda Ronstadt (Love Linda, but A Merry Little Christmas' version is too Linda for me! )
• Diane Schuur (nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Jazz Vocal Performance, Female in 1990)
• Neil Sedaka  ( Sounds too much like "Calendar Girl!" )
• Jessica Simpson ( She sings? )
• Frank Sinatra (Frankie gets with hip with a virtual duet with Nat King Cole, and an actual duet with Bing Crosby... Bing should know better )
• Rod Stewart (Oh God...Maggie Mae should have tried to talk him out of it! )

• George Strait ( Nice, the twang kills me! I guess you have to be from there... other good songs, though)
• Barbra Streisand ( Oh, I don't know... it's just not Nat's enough )
• Donna Summer ( A disco version? In Summer? )
• The Supremes ( Stop... in the name of good taste! )
• Take 6 ( Take it away... )
• James Taylor ( Aw, I say that everytime I hear him on any song. His, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is special, though. )
• Jack Teagarden
• The Temptations ( a "Ball of Confusion" meets Chestnuts! )
• Mel Tormé –Well, maybe him because he wrote and recorded the song four times (1954, 1961, 1966 and finally in 1992 as part of his album "Christmas Songs")
• Randy Travis ( too drunk! )
• Twisted Sister ( too twisted! )
• Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons ( too screechy! )
• Luther Vandross ( His is a damn good version... ! )
• Andy Williams ( smooth... but no! Maybe, Perry... haven't heard him do it... maybe! )
• Stevie Wonder ( great Christmas album, but I always felt his Christmas songs a bit preachy! )
• Dwight Yoakam ( I wonder what he'd look like in a Santa's hat... of course, the fuzzy white ball of fur would have to cover his eyes! )

See what I mean? "AND THERE'S MORE!" but thankfully, I decided to give it up logging all the folks who thought singing this song was a great idea. Thanks Wikipedia, for your help, butou get the picture!

I know this is quite unreasonable. But, I just don't wanna hear no more ridiculous jazzy, or pseudo heart felt dribble, no rock n' roll, cock rock, fluffy, spandex Santa,  or hipster versions... Nothing, Nada, Hasta Luego... that's it.

I know my vote doesn't mean one hill of beans to these law making "politicians." 

I've asked Santa, but he tells me the same thing every year...His reputation would be compromised to show such subjective prejudices. Okay,  I can understand his position on this matter, but...

I am really putting my reputation on the line as an open minded artist by saying this, but my ears just can't stomach any version, but the "King's!"

Merry Christmas?

Copyright 2015/Ben Bensen III