Tuesday, August 26, 2014

"Don't It Make My Blue Eyes, Brown!"

Reading War and Peace?
You know, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go! There's no need to expatiate on the in's and out's of that biological effect. It would certainly be "TMI," that is, "too much information!" But, honestly, when you're are standing in line inside the restroom and there are two "patrons" ahead of you awaiting one of the two stalls to clear to... uh, "Oo-Poo-Pah-Doo," well, it can get pretty scary!

Just for fun...compliments of Jesse Hill!


Apparently, it had gotten passed the point of looking elsewhere for these two characters too!

Stall "A" was inhabited when I arrived. It was still inhabited when I left. Needless to say, the mind reels. We were all looking for some sign of life, hoping to hear the toilet paper roll. A grunt, a groan, a sigh! When we thought we heard the rustle of newspapers, one "patron" mumbled," He'd make Leo Tolstoy proud!" I thought it was a very polite, and educated comment coming from a guy who had been waiting so long to go. I shouldn't have been too surprised,  after all, we were waiting our turn at a Barnes and Noble bookstore!

As one "patron" exited Stall "B," he loudly expressed his gratitude.

"Thanks man, I REALLY appreciate it. I was beginning to fear my blue eyes were turning brown!"

We all laughed, but still there's was no movement or sounds emanating from Stall"A" and as the second patron next in line bent over to see a pair of blue jeans crumpled over black dress shoes, I remembered how a few years back, we'd have a laugh at Barnes and Nobles expense.

I recall, how, whenever one would type a word in the search column, and sometimes, even if you'd just type something on your timeline, the bookstore popup would "pop up", reminding one that it had all one would need to find info on that topic. Naturally, though it was a rather juvenile thing to do, one could type in some pornographic term and sure enough, Barnes and Noble had all you could imagine on that topic.

Maybe, it was just the rebellious artist in me that made it so much fun... maybe!

Another nervous laugh came out as the toilet flushed in Stall"B" and the patron said,"I'm almost finished. I just got one more chapter to finish!"

Still, not a sound from Stall"A."

Desperate to distract my bowels, I thought about the time that there were a couple of women waiting at a restaurant restroom. Having the convenience of being a guy, I snickered as I entered the men's restroom, did my thing, and walked out only to see the short line of women waiting hadn't moved at all. Three women took my offer to stand outside and guard the men's room as they entered to relieved their worried minds! It was quite a rewarding feeling to have offered such a chivalrous thing. Now I know how good deeds done make a Boy Scout's day. I also, now, understand what it is like walking around in a woman's... uh, shoes!

As the second patron jumped into Stall "B," he mentioned the movie,"A Weekend With Bernie!" and said,"I think we got us a stiff seated on that toilet. Whadd'ya think?"

"I think I'm about ready to explode," I replied. Still, there was not a sound coming from Stall"A".


"Good luck, dude," he said to me as the first patron dried his hands and walked out of the door.

"Thanks," I said, as I contemplated the invasion of the women's restroom. "Maybe, we should call, 911?"

"Yeh, how would we explain that one?"said the voice from Stall"B".

A minute or two later, the sound of a flushing toilet interrupted my contemplating that eventuality.

"I'm done, I'm done," he said, "it's all yours!"

"Praise 'da Lord" I said, as I checked myself briefly in the mirror.

"Good, I thought, My eyes are still blue!"

Copyright 2014/Ben Bensen III

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