"Of Grocery Bags And Car Remotes!"

Why do I have to shop every week? Where does all the food go?

Being a guy, I shop for groceries very impatiently. I don't use a list, but know exactly where to go to get what I need... quickly. It is so aggravating to have to shop for groceries every week or so.

Where the hell does all our food go?

Arriving home, I open up the trunk of the car and with a sigh, I grab as many plastic bags of groceries as I can. ( I blame this all on California Governor Jerry Brown, of course! ) With my right hand, I grab two, three, maybe four bags of groceries and place the handles neatly, but tightly in my left hand. With my left hand full of groceries and my remote car key hanging from an "O" ring on my little pinky finger, I stretched way back into the van to get any vegetables or fruit that's somehow rolled out of the bags and put them back into just about any bag that will hold them. Adeptly, with my right hand, I scoop up the remaining plastic "luggage" determined to not have to make another damn trip.

Feeling quite smug and satisfied, with about half a dozen or more bags in my hands, I gingerly walk to the back door of the house and while balancing myself so nothing falls out, or I, fall over, with a huff and a puff, I try to open the back door with my car remote.

It hasn't worked yet...

Copyright 2015/ Ben Bensen III