"It's A Sin And A Shame My Solo Socks Can't Find A Mate."

Too embarrassed to show any more!

Well, this year I resolve to, once and for all, find the mates to this "rats nest" of lost souls.  I'm tired of making New Year's resolutions to be a better husband, an understanding father, a patient, less critical person and a not so stubborn so and so, not so persnickety, but just persnickety enough, a better reader, a less snarling, foaming at the mouth, alpha male, and a more intense and passionate… uh, painter.

No, that stuff's for sissies…

No. This year I'm gonna find soul mates to some loved but long lost socks. And, that's okay. You can make all the jokes you want about it, like, "the joy of sox,"and "Sock it to me, baby!"and, "It Socks To Be In Love!" "Kawabunga on your KawaSOCKIE!" and the ever popular, "Socks, Dammit Or Darn It!", but I've decided to finally dump those that no longer make sense keeping them.

See, some socks have an emotional attachment that just can't be explained.Take, for instance, that solo red sock in the picture. I've worn that red pair for twenty Christmases. And, it embarrassed my wife every time I wore 'em. I even wore one, one Christmas day, solo with another green solo sock...like tootsied Michael Jackson. I have not found either mate in five or six years.

I have another pair of socks that were so expensive, I would hand wash them and hang them out to dry instead of putting them in the washer and dryer. Man, they were great pair of ski socks and worth every penny on the cold, wet and windy slopes of Mammoth Mountain in California. I always made sure I'd put them back inside my favorite pair of ski boots. The last time I went skiing was the winter of 2005 and I couldn't find the mate, so I had to take a less than perfect pair on the trip.

Needless to say, my skiing performance suffered dramatically. I can't explain that, but I still hang on to the fading hope that one day that missing left sock will return to me.

I now know how Evangeline felt waiting all those years for the return of her lover!

Nowadays, you don't need to darn or sew up a worn out pair because they get separated long before they wear out. Some socks become real favorites like a pair of jeans, but you can't always wear them in dress shoes because they're too thick and comfy. Our son rarely wore dress socks because he never went anywhere he felt was that formal. But, I knew that once I'd loan him a pair of dress socks, only one returned.

Against my better judgement, I allow my aged mother fold and put away our clothes. It provides her with something to do which, in turn, also helps me. But, I can't believe where I sometimes find some of my socks. So far, she keeps them pretty well in pairs, but I once found two pair in the kitchen drawer with the towels.

Now, I just have her fold the clothes!

So, though this will be heart breaking, and my toughest New Year's assignment in years, though it is September, darn it, I am bound and determined to toe the line, heel the hurt, and sock it up to see this to it's unmatched end.

Undefeeted...

Copyright 2014/ Ben Bensen III