Friday, January 17, 2014

"Well, Okay Doc, Stick It Where…!"

Well, the prognosis is good. I went to see my dermatologist and, after all the preliminary silliness with the admitting nurse, she gave me a folded piece of paper, and told me to strip down to my underwear including my socks and put this on. Of course, trying to figure out how to put on that paper "robe" proved to be quite problematic. I was looking for holes to insert my arms and never found one. I looked for some pre-scored dotted line to punch my head through, but there wasn't any. I even tore it, thinking it was doubled up.

So, I thought to myself, this is what we've come to. First, cloth robes made of some flimsy paper seersucker material, and then robes with no backing at all to allow you to "air your differences"whether you want to or not, and now, this!

Later, during the examination, the nurse cracked up when I asked her what was it supposed to cover up!

The dermatologist arrived twenty minutes later and found me seated in my shorts next to a 4'x4' shredded paper robe. With a questioning look, he quickly dismissed some problem areas that I showed him and zoomed in on three spots I didn't think much of. With a look of serious concern, he scratched, poked and squeezed one particular area on my left arm and stated that it was a "ipsoclomaticphallangia fit"… or something sounding strangely similar to a Mass spoken in Latin. 

The guy's a kook...

At my request, attempting to divert his attention from my arm, he goes searching on my scalp for any problems like a monkey inspects and helps groom another monkey in a monkey tree. Thankfully, he didn't find anything there, nor did he pick something off of my dome and eat it! 

Satisfied he didn't find any obvious problems up there, I, once again, got the lecture about vitamin D, ultraviolet rays, and the damage the sun can do. Then, moving the shredded and useless 4'x4' paper robe covering my groin area, he asks…

"Do we need to remove your underwear investigate this area?"

I said, "Gee Doc, I don't think so… "Isn't that where the sun doesn't shine?"

Copyright 2014/Ben Bensen III

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